Negotiations can be anxiety-inducing. They can make us feel like we’re scratching and clawing for what we think we deserve as Founders, for what we need to ensure our businesses thrive and grow. For those of us who don’t feel like natural “sharks” at it, negotiation can make us feel like we often end up with the short end of the stick. It doesn’t have to be this way.

In fact, it may behoove us to take some inspiration from the FBI – yes, really! Chris Voss, a former hostage negotiator, has spent decades perfecting the art of high-stakes negotiations, often dealing with life-and-death situations. His extensive experience in navigating these tense environments has given him deep insights into human behavior and how to leverage it for successful outcomes. Voss shares his negotiation strategies in his bestselling book, Never Split the Difference, which is widely regarded as a game-changer for anyone looking to master negotiation skills. For even more practical tips and real-world applications, his podcast offers further valuable insights into how these techniques can be applied to both business and personal scenarios.

We know you’re busy, though, so here are three of the most potent lessons imparted by Voss that you can implement in your next negotiation, and even start practicing in your everyday interactions, right now.

1. Mirror with questions and summarize what your co-negotiator says with labels

The beginning of a negotiation is all about information gathering. You need to find out where your counterpart (the person with whom you’re negotiating) is coming from. You know what you’re bringing to the table in terms of expectations, desired results, and maybe even baggage. Now that you’re here with them, hear them out to learn where they’re coming from so you can equip yourself with the tools you will need to end up with the most positive outcome for both sides. 

Engage as an active listener in the negotiation. Repeat the last few words of what your negotiation partner is saying as a question, inviting them to elaborate. This is what Voss calls mirroring. For example, if the person you’re negotiating with says, “It’s been a really tough year,” you can say, “A tough year?” Most people will take this as an invitation to open up and elaborate. 

Voss’ entire negotiating style is built on the concept of what he calls “Tactical Empathy®,” and a cornerstone of this is labeling. Summarize what your counterpart is saying, or point out something important about how they’re saying it to show that you understand where they’re coming from. To continue the above example, you could introduce a label into that conversation by saying something like, “It sounds like you’re spread pretty thin right now.” 

2. Know your pre-wired negotiation style, make it work for you, and adapt as needed.

According to Chris Voss, there are three types of negotiators: Assertives, Accommodators, and Analysts. These are the broad umbrellas most of us find ourselves falling under naturally based on our personalities and lived experiences.

No one negotiation style is better than the other, but each has its strengths and weaknesses, and as Voss puts it in Never Split the Difference, “To truly be effective you need elements from all three.” It’s also extremely handy to recognize what type your counterpart most identifies with. For instance, if they’re an Analyst, their moments of silence during discussion likely mean they’re just processing information, not that they’re upset about what you’re bringing to the table.

If you’re Assertive, you may need to shift some of your focus toward collaboration to ensure the best outcome in a negotiation. If you’re an Analyst, you may need to remember that your negotiating counterpart is the most important data source. If you’re an Accommodator, you may need to be a bit more assertive to ensure that the great rapport you’ve built takes you where you need to go.

3. Uncover the unknown unknowns

In any negotiation, one of your main goals is to uncover information you don’t know yet—the unknown unknowns. These hidden details can often shift the negotiation in unexpected ways, revealing new possibilities that weren’t apparent at the start. By focusing on asking thoughtful, open-ended questions and maintaining active listening, you can uncover valuable insights that can change the direction of the negotiation and help you reach a more favorable outcome.

Try some of these tips on for size in low-stakes scenarios to practice and you’ll be a master negotiator in no time.

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